I had never been able to understand why I had such a difficult time forming healthy relationships in my life. I had never been able to understand why I couldn’t look people in the eye, and always felt like an outcast. Coming from a broken home with an emotionally
unavailable father, I had just assumed this was the cause of my shortcomings as a normal functioning human being. Little did I know something happened to me in my childhood that my mind had kept blocked for years, buried under copious amounts of alcohol and self harming habits.
During the summer as a young boy, my mom would drop me off at my Aunt’s where she would watch me while my mom was at work. My cousins were older than me and I was always picked on, left out, and never felt accepted. I had craved their approval and this seemed to leech into my adult life as I’ve always been the people pleaser and put others before my own needs.
Sparing the details there was sexual abuse that occurred as well. I had never known it was wrong because we were so young. I never considered it sexual abuse until I was much older. My mind had blocked that little part of my life out for years.
The drinking started very early on in the same environment. I found my coping mechanism at the ripe young age of 13. This continued onward in my teenage years disguised under the veil of teenage rowdiness and rebellion.
I became very intimate with excessive sex, drugs, and of course alcohol. This seemed to distract me from the abuse, however I couldn’t make the connection at the time. My mind had rationalized what happened, and it was buried under all these things I used to cope with. After alcohol ruined relationship after relationship, friendship after friendship. At some point I would need to come to terms with this demon. Polishing off fifths and then some of whatever spirit suited me at the time every single day. I hated what I had become, and this hatred further spiraled into more destruction towards myself. I did not love the man in the mirror. Then one night I had a brutal nightmare of the sexual abuse I had suffered as 5 year old boy. Seemingly out of nowhere my demon had reared its ugly head and it was time to face it. This caused a nervous breakdown. All the shame, self hate, anxiety, and depression was now amplified. It felt like I had nowhere else to go but down. I
had planned to just drink myself to death. It seemed for me at the time there was no hope , and that I was damaged goods. The drinking, eating disorder, self harm, all got worse. That is until, through the grace of God, Pete had given me a call. After he shared his story
and told me that there is hope, and that he was going to help me, it was the first time I did not feel alone in this struggle. Through The Let Go Let Peace Come In Foundation, I was given the help and tools I needed through intense therapy and care. I have noticed a tremendous change in myself, and so have my loved ones. Finally I am starting to see the person I was meant to be, and my outlook on life has changed drastically. I’m sober now and continue to work on my recovery daily. To any of those who have taken the time to read my story I want to thank you. I want to let you know that you are not alone. Pete’s organization is a wonderful thing that has entered my life and I owe all my successes in recovery to him and everyone who keeps this amazing resource in motion.
Anon.
