As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I am honored to participate with the purpose and concept of Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation. The name is long but so is the journey to recovery – but not impossible!
As a survivor, I understand how difficult life is when we keep our secrets safely hidden and never allow anyone close. I too was trained to be that way; ‘keep your mouth shut’, ‘it’s your fault’, ‘this hurts me more than it hurts you’, ‘children should be seen and not heard’, ‘only because I love you’, ‘one day you’ll thank me for this’, ‘you made me do it’,etc. All lies of course!
As a survivor, I know the importance of exposing the secrets the abusers worked so hard to train us to keep – their secrets, not ours! Secrets fester inside us; they destroy our lives and cause so much internal pain that life is unbearable. Abusers’ secrets destroy our ability to ever feel real happiness. Abusers’ secrets are like black holes created by the abuse we suffered as a child that continuously sucks up and absorbs any hint of light or happiness that may come our way and leaves only the black void in our souls and our lives – in our very existence! Black holes cannot be seen but we know they exist by the impact they have on everything around them – as it is in space, so it is in victims.
As I survivor, I understand that exposing my father’s vile secrets means accepting that he lied – that I have nothing to be ashamed of and it was always his shame! By purging his secrets, the unfathomable power imprisoning the black hole inside me deteriorates and weakens and slowly dissipates from my life – allowing light and happiness to seep in – finally.
As a survivor, I will not own him as ‘my abuser’ – he abused me – I was only an innocent child! I want to tell the world how vile of a man he truly was (he’s dead now, perhaps answering for his crimes) but to do so will still cost me my job and acquaintances. It’s already cost me my family. Life is not easy for those of us who have been abused – everything is much too complicated.
As a survivor, we all need to do what we can to ensure help for future victims of childhood sexual abuse – because as long as sex permeates our societies, pushes people to think non-stop about sex and desensitizes people to ‘normal’ loving sexual activities, the problem will only intensify.
As a survivor, I implore all other survivors to send a short paragraph about what happened to you when you were an innocent child. Including a picture of yourself distinguishes you as a real person but a male or female silhouette is provided if you prefer. We will reach over 10,000 survivors – count yourself in!
As a survivor, I see that society would like to think that we don’t exist, that we simply disappear – perhaps we were supposed to be swallowed up in that black hole too. We need to show them that we ARE here! We survived! But despite our strength, life is a struggle and there IS a problem with childhood abuse! United, we can make the impossible possible!
Lonni P.